By Daisy Hernandez
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Additional resources for Colonize This!: Young Women of Color on Today's Feminism (Live Girls)
While he thinks he is fucking these womyn, they fuck him. Like Raquel, his second wife, who left him black-eyed and bruised when he raised his hand to her, or Guiselle, who stole $10,000 dollars from him. I admire these womyn—they could never be colonized. I know that my brother is going to help me stop the circle of colonization. He refuses to partake in my father’s racist, sexist, exploitative games. And for him like me, it is an internal struggle. One that requires me to question what I feel and most of all my memory.
It was my father with another womon, and I was three. My parents used to sell jewelry door to door. Sometimes there would be deliveries to be made, and on such an occasion I accompanied my father while my brother, sister and mother waited in the car. I remember a petite African-American womon answering the apartment door and my father locking me in the bathroom, telling me to stay in there. I was frightened but also curious why I was not supposed to open the door. When I did, I saw the answer: my father naked having sex with another womon.
The feminism I walked into as a bi-queer brown breed girl was all about the women I wanted to fuck, love and make home with. More than any meeting, I wanted to make places where my girls, my queer dark sistren, could survive. Do more than: Stop self-destructing. Save each other. Not have a nervous breakdown or six by twenty-five. Decolonize our minds, our hair, our hearts. Transform into the phoenixes we were all meant to be. I’m a loser in that department, though, one who came to this world with a lot of hope and walked away four years later with a string of heart and cherry busts behind me.